Studying while Suffering from Mental Health Problems
Unless you have experienced it yourself, it can be very difficult to get across just how many additional stresses and strains studying while suffering from mental health problems can bring. At this present moment, I am supposed to be finishing an essay I've been working on for the past couple of months. I've got a collection of well organised notes sat next to me, yet frustrating I can't forge them into words as my mind is just not focusing. In an effort not to beat myself up over it, as that won't help me get it done any quicker, I've decided to channel my frustration into producing something constructive and so I am writing this blog post. I would like to share with you some of my experiences of studying while suffering from mental health problems and some things that I've learnt along the way which other people in a similar position may find helpful. Studying in general can be stressful and a lot of the things I discuss may be relevant to you whether you suffer from mental health problems or otherwise.
My Experiences of Education
I will probably write a much longer post on this subject at some point but briefly speaking, my feelings towards my experience of education are quite mixed but on the whole positive. I studied for my GCSEs, A levels and my degree all while suffering from mental health problems and I am still in education as I am currently studying for a masters degree. I went to a very high achieving, girls, comprehensive, secondary school. There seems to be this tendency amongst older people to remind younger people that their school days are the best days of their lives but in many ways I would say that was true for me. I had a very chaotic and disruptive home life and because of that, I always found school a pleasant escape. I remember a great feeling of relief coming over me as I walked through the school gates. At school I had safety, routine and structure, three things I didn't have at home. What I liked most of all about being there was that in school, I was the same as everybody else. I had the same opportunities as them and was treated the same as them.
School and I just seemed to click but perhaps a little too well. As I've said, the school I went to was very high achieving and I was a very high achieving student. I always found the lessons interesting and the teachers inspired my confidence, they made me want to do well. This type of environment did seem to fuel my obsessive perfectionism though. The school was very strict, with very high expectations which was good in many ways but it meant that you could literally be penalised for doing the slightest thing wrong - not having your shirt tucked in, your tie having less than 7 lines in it, hugging in a corridor (yes I'm serious), forgetting a book, not having a parent's signature and so on. I went through my entire school life without a single warning (demerit) or detention but the anxiety stirred up by the pressure of keeping that perfect record crippled me.
From the age of 13 to 15, I was treated by CAMHS as an outpatient for Anorexia. This meant that I missed quite a number of lessons as I had to be taken for appointments with my psychiatrist, doctor and have regular blood tests. While I did miss lessons, being my organised self, I always arranged to catch up the work with a friend or see the teacher. My school were never informed that I had an eating disorder and that was the way I wanted to keep it. I didn't want to be treated differently, I didn't want anyone to think there was anything wrong with me so if anything, it spurred me on to work even harder to show that I was 'coping'. None of the teachers ever questioned me about my weight nor did they contact my parents with concerns and this has since confused me as I was at an extremely low weight at the time. I guess I must have become very good at my 'I'm fine' act. I developed this worrying ability to continually run on empty. I could force myself to engage fully in a lesson and concentrate on my work no matter how faint I felt, no matter what might have been happening at home at the time and no matter how deeply depressed I felt. To be honest, I enjoyed the stress of exams as to me, it felt like a more 'normal' stress compared to the other things I had to worry about in my life.
And that was really the approach I took with the rest of my education. At college, I would spend every spare moment in the library when I could have been socialising with my friends. I liked to isolate myself in my studies so that I could escape from the rest of the world. Studying was the perfect excuse to avoid all my anxieties. At university, I dedicated myself purely to the academic part of the experience. I took many additional modules that didn't even count for credits but that was the way I rolled. I read every possible related text I could in addition to the sizeable amount of set texts. From an academic point of view, I absolutely loved my time at university. It really inspired my thirst for knowledge and understanding. I always feel a little bit lame if I ever attempt to explain the feeling I get at the moment when I construct together a clear argument in my head but I do get a real buzz from it. I realised that I wasn't ready to give up that buzz and move onto other things and that was what motivated me to carry on with my studies as a postgraduate. Parallel to this though, during my time at university, I was becoming increasingly aware that I was suffering from a number of mental health problems. I was depressed, suffering panic attacks, dissociative episodes, hearing voices, hugely overexercising, had a number of OCD type rituals, as well as chronic insomnia.
How did I deal with it?
I scheduled every minute of my time, everyday, from 6 am when I woke up to 11 pm when I attempted to go to sleep. I quite simply did not give myself the opportunity to think and reflect on the problems in my life. I kept going but I think I always knew that this ridiculous existence couldn't continue forever, I was going to crack and I did.
After finally opting to get help with my mental health problems, I came to the conclusion that I had just become too ill to study, especially as I was also working full time. I decided to defer the rest of my masters degree. I guess I just kept going until I literally couldn't anymore, I had completely burnt out. While I used to speed through pages and pages of reading, I found myself unable to read a single page as my concentration had become so poor. I think when I realised that I couldn't even trust myself to keep myself safe travelling to and from university, I knew that I couldn't do it anymore and I needed to face my problems rather than continually trying to hide from them. On reflection, I wish I had come to that realisation sooner. I ended up taking a year out of my studies to focus on getting myself better which was the most sensible decisions I made. When I started to feel as though I was making some head way with my recovery, I begun working on my masters degree again at leisure. With the pressure off, I was able to simple enjoy studying at my own pace and I was reminded of all the things I loved about it. A couple of months ago, I re-registered to complete my course. It has been hard to adjust again to having to meet deadlines but I feel more motivated than ever to complete my studies and I think it will feel like a real achievement when I eventually graduate after everything that's happened.
So here are some of the things I've learnt through my experiences...
Your health is your number one priority
If you haven't got your health, then what have you got? Nothing. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Looking back, I would have swapped any one of my A* for being just a little bit happier. Whatever pressures your studies may throw at you, your health and wellbeing always has to come first. If your mental health deteriorates to the point that your studies have to take a back seat for a while then that is the way it has to be. While it may be a less conventional route, you can pick up your studies at any point in your life. There's nothing smart about working yourself into a frenzy and forgetting about your basic needs along the way.
Be honest and open with others about how your mental health problems affect you
This was an important lesson that I learnt purely from my own mistakes. One of my biggest regrets in my life so far was not opening up to teachers at school about my home situation and the difficulties I was facing. Now that I work in a school, I have been able to see just how different my life could have been and just how much support I could have received if I had opened up to my teachers. I know it can vary across different school but in general, it is amazing the amount of support schools can offer to students with mental health problems. Most schools will have a school counsellor, school nurse, other members of staff who work in inclusion and can make special exam arrangements for students with mental health problems. Schools can also help to assist in making referrals to outside agencies and mental health services. It can be a scary thing to admit that you're struggling but usually that is where things start to get better because you don't feel alone in your struggles or have the pressure of trying to hide them.
Don't be too hard on yourself
Good grades are important but there are other things in life too. Getting good grades can count for very little if you feel utterly miserable every single day. Speaking from experience, mental health problems are probably the most difficult challenge you'll ever have to overcome. It takes a lot of effort, you have to invest a lot of yourself if you want to recover. If you aren't doing quite as well as you'd like to in your studies, try not to beat yourself up over it and instead accept that you have a lot of pressures in your life at the moment. Once you've overcome your biggest hurdles, a few exams will feel like a walk in the park. Going back to the last point, be honest with your teacher/tutors/lecturers if you are struggling to meet deadlines. You can be entitled to have an extension if you are suffering from mental health problems. Everyone is entitled to help and support, it's just often a question of reaching out for it.
It's about the quality not the quantity
Cramming in hours of studying can end up being pretty frustrating and fruitless if your head's not in the right place at the time. I used to have a pretty intensive schedule which I'd force myself to stick to regardless of the problems I was facing in my life, how little sleep I had and how unwell I felt. Believe me, that strategy can only take you so far and you end up suffering a lot more in the long run. An hour of studying in a quiet, peaceful environment when you're feeling refreshed and well rested can be far more productive than four hours of furiously scribbling away in a panic. Sometimes you just have to accept that today might not be your day and it might do you more harm than good to attempt to study when you're not in the right mindset. When I feel like that, it's usually my signal to get out the house and go for a walk. It's helpful to have a vague idea of the amount of hours you need to study but try to make the most of the time when you are in a good place to study and don't be too hard on yourself when you're not.
Do what works for you
I think there can be a tendency for those in authority to dictate how you ought to study but at the end of the day, everyone's different so it's important that you study in a way that suits you. I work best on my own with some peace and quiet, candle burning, sometimes music in the background. Oh and having a pretty stationery collection, notebooks and folders tends to motivate me to stay organised! That's what works for me but if it works for you, have the TV on in the background, study with friends, study away from home if that helps, study in shorter bursts, take regular breaks, pace around (I do that sometimes!) and talk to yourself (I do that a lot too!).
Celebrate your achievements
I honestly don't think this is something that people do enough of. I think there's this tendency in education that as soon as you finish one set of exams, you start thinking about the next ones and don't reflect on how far you've already come. Remember that achievements come in all shapes and sizes, not just as a letter on a page. If you suffer from anxiety, perhaps your biggest achievement would be the physical act of sitting in an exam. If you've had to take time out because of your mental health problems, the act of coming back and finishing your studies is something that should be celebrated in itself. Recognise that your achievements are something positive which you have created for yourself.
You deserve to enjoy every bit of what you've achieved.
I truly believe that studying should be enjoyable. It should be a positive thing, something that boosts your confidence and that you get a sense of achievement from. I hope you have found the tips I've shared helpful and if anything, that you'll learn by my mistakes. I'd be interest to know what helps you study.
And that was really the approach I took with the rest of my education. At college, I would spend every spare moment in the library when I could have been socialising with my friends. I liked to isolate myself in my studies so that I could escape from the rest of the world. Studying was the perfect excuse to avoid all my anxieties. At university, I dedicated myself purely to the academic part of the experience. I took many additional modules that didn't even count for credits but that was the way I rolled. I read every possible related text I could in addition to the sizeable amount of set texts. From an academic point of view, I absolutely loved my time at university. It really inspired my thirst for knowledge and understanding. I always feel a little bit lame if I ever attempt to explain the feeling I get at the moment when I construct together a clear argument in my head but I do get a real buzz from it. I realised that I wasn't ready to give up that buzz and move onto other things and that was what motivated me to carry on with my studies as a postgraduate. Parallel to this though, during my time at university, I was becoming increasingly aware that I was suffering from a number of mental health problems. I was depressed, suffering panic attacks, dissociative episodes, hearing voices, hugely overexercising, had a number of OCD type rituals, as well as chronic insomnia.
How did I deal with it?
I scheduled every minute of my time, everyday, from 6 am when I woke up to 11 pm when I attempted to go to sleep. I quite simply did not give myself the opportunity to think and reflect on the problems in my life. I kept going but I think I always knew that this ridiculous existence couldn't continue forever, I was going to crack and I did.
After finally opting to get help with my mental health problems, I came to the conclusion that I had just become too ill to study, especially as I was also working full time. I decided to defer the rest of my masters degree. I guess I just kept going until I literally couldn't anymore, I had completely burnt out. While I used to speed through pages and pages of reading, I found myself unable to read a single page as my concentration had become so poor. I think when I realised that I couldn't even trust myself to keep myself safe travelling to and from university, I knew that I couldn't do it anymore and I needed to face my problems rather than continually trying to hide from them. On reflection, I wish I had come to that realisation sooner. I ended up taking a year out of my studies to focus on getting myself better which was the most sensible decisions I made. When I started to feel as though I was making some head way with my recovery, I begun working on my masters degree again at leisure. With the pressure off, I was able to simple enjoy studying at my own pace and I was reminded of all the things I loved about it. A couple of months ago, I re-registered to complete my course. It has been hard to adjust again to having to meet deadlines but I feel more motivated than ever to complete my studies and I think it will feel like a real achievement when I eventually graduate after everything that's happened.
So here are some of the things I've learnt through my experiences...
Your health is your number one priority
If you haven't got your health, then what have you got? Nothing. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Looking back, I would have swapped any one of my A* for being just a little bit happier. Whatever pressures your studies may throw at you, your health and wellbeing always has to come first. If your mental health deteriorates to the point that your studies have to take a back seat for a while then that is the way it has to be. While it may be a less conventional route, you can pick up your studies at any point in your life. There's nothing smart about working yourself into a frenzy and forgetting about your basic needs along the way.
Be honest and open with others about how your mental health problems affect you
This was an important lesson that I learnt purely from my own mistakes. One of my biggest regrets in my life so far was not opening up to teachers at school about my home situation and the difficulties I was facing. Now that I work in a school, I have been able to see just how different my life could have been and just how much support I could have received if I had opened up to my teachers. I know it can vary across different school but in general, it is amazing the amount of support schools can offer to students with mental health problems. Most schools will have a school counsellor, school nurse, other members of staff who work in inclusion and can make special exam arrangements for students with mental health problems. Schools can also help to assist in making referrals to outside agencies and mental health services. It can be a scary thing to admit that you're struggling but usually that is where things start to get better because you don't feel alone in your struggles or have the pressure of trying to hide them.
Don't be too hard on yourself
Good grades are important but there are other things in life too. Getting good grades can count for very little if you feel utterly miserable every single day. Speaking from experience, mental health problems are probably the most difficult challenge you'll ever have to overcome. It takes a lot of effort, you have to invest a lot of yourself if you want to recover. If you aren't doing quite as well as you'd like to in your studies, try not to beat yourself up over it and instead accept that you have a lot of pressures in your life at the moment. Once you've overcome your biggest hurdles, a few exams will feel like a walk in the park. Going back to the last point, be honest with your teacher/tutors/lecturers if you are struggling to meet deadlines. You can be entitled to have an extension if you are suffering from mental health problems. Everyone is entitled to help and support, it's just often a question of reaching out for it.
It's about the quality not the quantity
Cramming in hours of studying can end up being pretty frustrating and fruitless if your head's not in the right place at the time. I used to have a pretty intensive schedule which I'd force myself to stick to regardless of the problems I was facing in my life, how little sleep I had and how unwell I felt. Believe me, that strategy can only take you so far and you end up suffering a lot more in the long run. An hour of studying in a quiet, peaceful environment when you're feeling refreshed and well rested can be far more productive than four hours of furiously scribbling away in a panic. Sometimes you just have to accept that today might not be your day and it might do you more harm than good to attempt to study when you're not in the right mindset. When I feel like that, it's usually my signal to get out the house and go for a walk. It's helpful to have a vague idea of the amount of hours you need to study but try to make the most of the time when you are in a good place to study and don't be too hard on yourself when you're not.
Do what works for you
I think there can be a tendency for those in authority to dictate how you ought to study but at the end of the day, everyone's different so it's important that you study in a way that suits you. I work best on my own with some peace and quiet, candle burning, sometimes music in the background. Oh and having a pretty stationery collection, notebooks and folders tends to motivate me to stay organised! That's what works for me but if it works for you, have the TV on in the background, study with friends, study away from home if that helps, study in shorter bursts, take regular breaks, pace around (I do that sometimes!) and talk to yourself (I do that a lot too!).
Celebrate your achievements
I honestly don't think this is something that people do enough of. I think there's this tendency in education that as soon as you finish one set of exams, you start thinking about the next ones and don't reflect on how far you've already come. Remember that achievements come in all shapes and sizes, not just as a letter on a page. If you suffer from anxiety, perhaps your biggest achievement would be the physical act of sitting in an exam. If you've had to take time out because of your mental health problems, the act of coming back and finishing your studies is something that should be celebrated in itself. Recognise that your achievements are something positive which you have created for yourself.
You deserve to enjoy every bit of what you've achieved.
I truly believe that studying should be enjoyable. It should be a positive thing, something that boosts your confidence and that you get a sense of achievement from. I hope you have found the tips I've shared helpful and if anything, that you'll learn by my mistakes. I'd be interest to know what helps you study.
Love and strength,
The One Day Seeker
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