Surviving Christmas while Recovering from an Eating Disorder

I have been desperately trying to get around to writing this post before Christmas Day and have just about succeeded!

Unfortunately, for me, Christmas has always been a really difficult time of year - mainly owing to the fact that some traumatic events in my life occurred around Christmas time.  I have to try and see each Christmas as an opportunity to create new memories that will eventually replace the bad ones and I can see that Christmas is a truly magical time of year.  I think it is the little things that prove it to me, such as seeing little children getting so unbelievably excited about Father Christmas coming and walking through the town centre with all the Christmas lights on makes the shorter days seem a lot more worthwhile.

As someone who has suffered from Anorexia for a good proportion of her life, I know that Christmas can be a bit of a nightmare time for people who are trying to recover from an eating disorder.

To an eating disorder sufferer, Christmas can culminate:

~ Numerous social events in which food is the focus

~ Being surrounded by fear foods

~ Receiving chocolates and sweets as gifts

~ Seeing friends and relatives who you haven't seen in a while and who may comment on your appearance or weight

~ Being told that 'you look so well!' (Anorexic translation = fat) or 'you're looking ever so thin' (Anorexic translation = yippee!).  Both are equally as problematic

~ People talking about how much weight they think they've put on over Christmas

~ Adverts after Christmas for weightwatchers, gym membership etc.

~ Christmas can mark yet another year in which you are worrying again about all the things above

Basically, for an eating disorder sufferer, Christmas can consist of triggers left, right and centre but it doesn't have to be that way.  I wanted to share with you some of the ways in which I try to make Christmas feel more manageable recovery wise in the hope that others may find them useful.  Not all of them are entirely eating disorder related, some may be applicable to mental health problems more generally or to anyone really.

1. Take the pressure off.

Once you get the idea of having the most perfect Christmas out of your head (there really is no such thing!), I find everything starts to look a bit better.  I find it helps to look upon Christmas purely as a bank holiday.  If I have the opportunity to spend some time at home with my family and feel relatively well in myself, then that's more than enough for me.

2. Don't beat yourself up if you slip up.

Christmas is a time in which people generally worry far less about what they are putting into their bodies and that's kind of a part of it.  This applies to you as well, whether you're in recovery or otherwise.  Christmas is a really difficult time if you are in recovery so don't be too hard on yourself if you struggle.

3. Warn others beforehand.

As awkward as it can be to have the conversation, it can be worthwhile in the long run to explain to friends and relatives before a social gathering that you are recovering from an eating disorder.  Especially if you have not seen them for a long time and they are likely to comment on either your appearance or what you are eating.  You could even get a close family member to explain to them.  You don't have to go into detail, something along the lines of - 'I just want to let you know that I've been struggling a bit with food and eating in general recently and so I might find the meal difficult' - tends to do the job and I've always found that if people know what to expect, everyone tends to relax.

4. Take the focus off food where possible.

There are so many elements of the Christmas period that you can enjoy so long as you don't allow your issues surrounding food to get in the way too much.  A Christmas meal that you are really anxious about is probably not the best opportunity to push yourself in your recovery or attempt to indulge in your fear foods.  Plan in your head before the meal what you would be most comfortable eating.  If I'm going out to a restaurant, I always look at the menu in advance so that I have time to prepare myself.  You are entitled to be able to enjoy catching up with friends, have a laugh and if that means not pushing yourself too hard on the food front, then that's okay.  

5. Prepare something to say for those awkward moments.

So you do your best to prevent the situation but it happens... You have that relative who will nonetheless slide in that cutting comment that brings your eating disorder to the surface of the conversation.  Expect that it might happen, prepare something to say in advance and somehow it doesn't feel as scary as you thought it would.  My line tends to include: 'Well I have been struggling a lot with eating, I know it's not ideal but I'm working on it...'  Then change the subject.  It's amazing how such feelings of awkwardness can pass within the space of 30 seconds.

6.  Arrange social gatherings that don't have such a strong focus on food.

There are so many things you can do around Christmas that don't involve food.  I love going on country walks around Christmas, especially on the sunny yet chilly days where you can still wrap up warm.  Sometimes I like just inviting a friend out for a coffee in town.  I love to try the seasonal hot chocolates out!  I especially love the orange hot chocolate in Costa:

Even if food does have to feature in a social gathering, I find it can be more manageable if it's not the main focus.  For example, having a Christmas film night with a small buffet of snacks on the side where people can just take what they want.  I had a crafts night at a friend's the other day and we made Christmas cards and decorations.  It was quite different from the things we would usually do together and for that reason I really enjoyed it.

7. 'Please don't buy me chocolate!'

This is not something I tend to do a lot as I appreciate any gift a person may choose to give me.  Also I think it is important not to avoid the foods we are afraid of.  I like to be able to have a bit of chocolate at Christmas but when I get given a lot, it can feel overwhelming.  Despite now being 23 years of age, my mother insists on filling up a stocking for me every year, which to be honest, I just love!  In the past she has tended to put a lot of sweets and chocolate in my stocking and come Christmas Day, I end up having a bit of a panic about it.  For this reason, I asked her this year if she'd mind giving me a bit less chocolate this year as while I am grateful for it, I explained it does cause me a lot of anxiety.  She was really good about it and told me to expect a good collection of bath stuff and candles instead, which I am very excited about receiving!

8. Arm yourself with a trusty side kick for those difficult occasions.

'A problem shared is a problem halved' is a bit of a cliche saying but I believe there is some truth in it.  As scary as opening up can be, I think it's something we all need to do from time to time.  Tell someone.  Tell someone you trust that the Christmas period is a time in which you really struggle, open up to them about the types of situations that are really worrying you.  I've always feel a lot better about going to a Christmas meal if I'm going with someone who is aware that it is a situation that I am anxious about.  It makes me feel as though I'm not alone in my worrying.  You don't have to fight your battles on your own.  Your friend can help you out if difficult conversations arise.  You'd do the same for them I'm sure, I find that once you start to open up, you realise that everyone has worries of their own and by sharing, we can all help each other.

9. Take some time for yourself.

Christmas is a very busy and social time so don't forget about yourself in the process.  As someone who is just generally very anxious, I can find spending lots of time around other people exhausting and I need time out for myself every now and then.  I love taking long baths around Christmas time, listening to music, doing some art work in my bedroom and taking long walks out alone.  It is okay to take some time out for yourself when you feel you really need it, in fact it is usually a good idea all round.

10. Observe other people enjoying Christmas.

As someone who has always struggled generally around Christmas time, it has really helped me to see what other people love about Christmas.  As I work in a school, I see even the grumpiest of teenagers start to get excited about Christmas and I have to admit, their excitement is a bit contagious!  One of the things that really transformed my view of Christmas was watching people's vlogmas videos on Youtube.  The first vlogmas videos I watched were by sunbeamsjess and watching her daily snippets of Christmas activities shared with her younger sister really changed something inside of me.  It is something so simple really but just seeing other people's lives over the Christmas period helps me to recognise the joy that exists in my own life .

I hope you have found some of the things I have shared helpful and I hope that whatever worries or conflicts you may be experiencing, you have a well deserved peaceful and positive Christmas shared with the people that you love.

Christmas wishes,

The One Day Seeker