Safety and Stabilisation: Breathing and Relaxation Techniques

For a good proportion of my life, relaxation was a concept that was completely alien to me.

As soon as someone even mentioned the word relax, I'd get a bit of an itch, tense up and then struggle to sit still.

One of the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder is hypervigilence - this means being in a state where you are constantly on the look out for potential threats.

I would describe my experience of this as feeling very wired up all the time and let me tell you, it's exhausting!  Especially as it doesn't tend to ease up at night - hello insomnia!

However, in order to reach a safe and stable enough place to fully process your trauma, you have to be able settle some of the anxiety that will inevitably be flying around.

I am going to share two of the breathing and relaxation techniques that I have picked up and that I tend to use the most.

These techniques are not completely specific to those who have suffered from trauma, they can be beneficial to anyone who is experiencing increased amounts of anxiety.

Square Breathing

This is the breathing technique that works best for me and that's mainly because I find it the easiest to remember.  When feeling highly anxious, it often isn't so easy to think so it's good to have something simple to call upon.  I also like this technique because it doesn't involve taking really long breaths - something that doesn't come naturally to me.

All square breathing involves is breathing in for 3-4 seconds, holding your breath for 3-4 seconds, breathing out for 3-4 seconds and repeating the sequence for as many times as you feel you need.

You can visualise the sequence as you do it by thinking of a square - you breathe in and out along each of the sides and hold your breath at each corner.

You can almost imagine each of your breaths travelling around the arrows and the anxiety leaving you as you go round.

Anything you can do to slow your breathing is going to help to decrease your symptoms of anxiety, so don't worry if square breathing isn't for you, there will be something else out there that will.

Sometimes I find just letting out a big sigh can work wonders!

~ The Butterfy Hug ~

Have you ever thought to yourself, I just want a hug, but you can't have one?

Well now you can give yourself a hug and while it might not be the same as having a 'proper' hug, it's not as sad as it sounds either.

This is in fact my favourite technique as I find it so effective.

The Butterfly Hug was developed by two psychologists to help adult and children survivors of a natural disaster.

It has since been found to be effective in enabling those who have experienced trauma to induce a sense of safety, calm and empower them to self-soothe and self-comfort.

It is a bilateral stimulation technique, meaning that it helps to engage both sides of the brain, helping to regulate anxieties and a sense of threat.

All I can say is it's genius!

(I couldn't resist dropping in some sneaking shots of my favourite Christmas jumper! I actually bought it in the sale in August!  It's by Henry Holland, my favourite designer at Debenhams)

To give yourself a Butterfly Hug, simply cross your hands across your chest so that your first finger is placed below your collar bone.

Above, I've shown the three different positions you can adopt for the Butterfly Hug:

You can make a real butterfly gesture by crossing your thumbs,

or you can simply have your hands crossed and placed on your upper chest,

or you can almost cross your arms with your hands placed just above your elbows.

I tend to use the third option the most as I find it the most subtle and so it is most practical to use when you are out and about.

Once you have adopted your chosen posture. all you have to do is slowly mimic the fluttering movement of a butterfly's flapping wings with your fingers, alternating from one hand to the other,

You can carry out as many movements as you feel you need.

As you carry out the Butterfly Hug, you should feel your breathing slow and hopefully a sense of calm coming with it.

I find it helps to slow down the movements as you calm down.

You can also hold a positive or calming image in your mind as you do the Butterfly Hug as it can help to install it and strengthen it.

At first practice the techniques when you are feeling calm...

With any techniques like these, it is important to practice them when you are already feeling calm and settled.

It will make it easier to employ them in more difficult situations.

You can't always expect a technique to work straightaway; it takes practice.

Sometimes certain techniques will work better in some situations than others, it's just about finding out what might work best through experience.

Also, not every technique will suit everyone.  

It's about finding the ones that work for you and even tweaking them to suit.

To begin with, I tended to avoid techniques that had a strong focus on thinking about parts of the body as I associated certain body parts with my trauma and could find myself triggered just by thinking of that part of the body.

I suppose it's all just about being open and trying things out.

Love and Strength,

The One Day Seeker