Anchors

Life's roughest storms prove the strengths of our anchors.

Anchors are not just those rusty looking things that moor boats, they have another meaning.  

Anchors are a person or a thing which provides us with stability in an otherwise uncertain situation.  When we bring them to mind, they give us a sense of calm and wellbeing.

As a part of the safety and stabilisation phase of my trauma therapy, I was introduced to the idea of anchors.  I had to think about what people or things can help to stabilise me in times where I feel vulnerable or indeed unstable.  While I had never really thought about the concept before under the term 'anchors', I quickly realised just how many of these things I already had.

The thing is, I think we all need anchors.  Life can be unpredictable and can throw unexpected things at us.  When life takes us off course we need things that can help us to find our way again.

Anchors can include...

 ~ A person

Certain people can fill us with a sense of stability and calm, especially when we feel supported and as though they are on our side.  I am told that I have to be a bit careful with this one as due to my borderline personality disorder I can easily become overly attached to people and run the risk of depending on them too greatly as an anchor.  I am very lucky though to have a number of people in my life who I feel supported by and who I feel I can turn to in times of need.  I consider myself very privileged to have a number of special people in my life who believe in me even when I struggle to believe in myself and I am very grateful for that.  It is important that I have people who feel like anchors to me but I also have to remain mindful of the fact that there are other things in my life which I can also draw up to keep myself on track.

~ An animal

This can be an animal in the past or present.  For me, one of my anchors is definitely my pet rabbits, Hope and Saoirse.  Animals in general can be very healing.  They don't judge us, they just accept us and I think it's wonderful to come home and always have someone who is so pleased to see us, even if it is only because they want food!  When I feel as though I need to take timeout, I often spend that time with my rabbits.  They always love a good stroke but sometimes I just love watching what goes on in their little lives.  They  have quite different personalities.  Hope is more active and inquisitive, she's always exploring and is in to everything.  Saoirse is more laid back and docile although quite sensitive.  It's funny how animals can end up meaning so much to us but sometimes just knowing that there are two little bunnies at the bottom of my garden who rely on me to care for them, fills me with a bit more purpose and hope.

 

~ An object

I know a lot of people have objects they are quite attached to, or that have a huge sentimental value to them, and they can act as anchors.  Maybe a piece of jewellery given to them by a relative who is very special to them or who has passed away.  I wouldn't say I have any object that acts as an anchor in this way as I have never been able to get particularly attached to things like that.  If I was to point to any object at all, it would probably be my phone as I suppose I see it as something that is always there and can act as a window to my other anchors.

~ A place

For a lot of people, this could be their home.  Unfortunately for me, I have never been able to feel particularly safe in my own home.  This may be because I've moved house a lot in my life so have learnt not to get to attached to a particular house but probably also because I experienced a lot of traumas in my home environment.  While home may not be an anchor for me, there are definitely places in which I derive a sense of calm from.  My main place is the beach and I don't mind if it's on a rainy day, a windy day or a beautiful, sunny day, I always get the same feeling of calm and positivity.  Due to the fact that a lot of my life has been very chaotic and my mind can be quite chaotic, I take comfort in things that stay the same.  I take comfort in the fact that the sea will always be there, the waves will always move and that the beach will always be the beach.  

When I look out on the sea, it always fills me with a sense of possibility and that's something which I try to hold onto a lot.

~ An event

Memories can also act as anchors.  Bringing to mind positive memories of an event or an occasion in which you felt happy, supported, or as though you achieved or accomplished something, can help you to bring a bit of that positivity into the present again.  As I am overly perfectionistic, I can struggle to recognise events in which I felt a sense of achievement.  However, an event I sometimes call to mind is when I got my current job as it was honestly the happiest I had ever felt.  It made me feel as though whatever may have happened in my life, something must have gone right somewhere along the way.

~ An activity

  

This could well include a hobby but for me I would say an activity which helps me to feel most positive and stable at the moment is walking.  Due to my mental health problems I can experience very intense bouts of emotion which can feel very consuming and overpowering.  However, when I set out on a long walk, I often feel as though I am walking the emotion out of me, every step forward I take, some of that emotion is leaving me.  What I love most about walking is quite simply just seeing the world as it is and I see so many beautiful things.  Often I look back at some of the photos I take during my walks to remind me in hard times that there have been so many moments in which I have been able to think positively.  They give me hope that there are plenty more positive walks to be had. 

This may sound quite silly but I would say that Instagram is definitely an anchor for me.  I think social media in general is such an amazing resource.  You do have to be careful with it though as there is a lot of negative out there, as well as positive.  When you decide whether you are going to follow someone or 'like' something, I think you have to ask yourself whether it's good for you.  Is it a positive influence or a negative influence and if it's the latter, the 'unfollow' button is always right there.  I am not very well travelled and I don't really have a great urge to travel but I find Instagram reminds me that there is a world out there and it lets me see so many amazing snippets of it.  What I love about it is that it captures so many moments in time, moments belonging to different people, living in different places and yet they are shared for everyone to see and take what they want to from them.  If the weather is miserable outside, I like to see photos of brighter days to remind me that there's better weather to come and better days to come.  If it feels like the day has gone too quickly and the night has come early, I love going on Instagram and see that in another part of the world, someone has just woken up to the sun shining through their window as I know it won't be so long until I see the same.

We all need anchors and I think sometimes you don't realise just how strong the anchors in your life are until you hit hard times and you realise just how important it is that you have them there.  

A couple of days ago, life hit me with something unexpected and scary.  It came out of nowhere.  It always seems to be when things are going so well and are starting to look more certain that a bit uncertainty suddenly shows up.  That's just life though and I like to think that we are only faced with something challenging when we have the strength to overcome it.  Sometimes when something shakes you up and you start to doubt yourself, the only way you can get through it is to hold onto the good and the positive that you have in your life.  

I've needed my anchors a lot over the past couple of days but everyone needs their anchors at one point or another.  The main thing is we have them and they're there to be needed.  Whatever storms life may throw at us, perhaps those storms are also opportunities to remind ourselves just how lucky we are to be able to ride those storms with our anchors by our side.

What are your anchors?

The One Day Seeker.