Coping when your Therapist is on Leave
It's holiday season - that joyous time that sees so many of us jetting off to exotic places or simply chilling and enjoying the sunshine. For those of us who are in therapy of some description, it can be a time that fills us with dread, due to the simple reality that therapists go on holiday too. And so they should! It's an unbelievably tough job and everyone needs to take time out from time to time.
Coping during the absence of your therapist/counsellor/psychologist can feel like quite an arduous task to face though. I know that you can't pin your recovery on a single person, ultimately it has to come from you. However, sometimes you need support in facing your problems and when the stability of your weekly appointments suddenly disappears, even if you know it's only temporary, it can be difficult to know how to cope when that support is not there.
This is a situation that I am facing at the moment.
As I have mentioned before in one of my previous blog posts. I have been undergoing EMDR trauma therapy with a psychologist at my local CMHT. I am planning to write another post explaining in more detail what EMDR is but basically, I am receiving this therapy to help me process memories of some past traumatic experiences so that they do not affect my life in the present in such a negative way. It has been a really tough process so far but I have been absolutely amazed with the results of the memories I have processed. I was in the middle of processing what I see as the worst of my traumatic memories when my psychologist unexpectedly announced that she was going to have to take some leave. It wasn't her fault in any way, she really needed to take the leave but I have now been 8 weeks without therapy and I'm not going to lie, it has been difficult and I have struggled. However, I have learnt a few things along the way and I'd like to share them with you in case you are facing or are to face in the future your therapist going on leave.
First of all, allow yourself to feel what ever emotions come up surrounding this break in your therapy.
This was actually something my psychologist encouraged me to do. Don't force yourself to feel a certain way, initially just feel whatever emotions come up and tell yourself that it is okay to feel that way. When I found out my psychologist was going on leave, I was a little disappointed but on the whole accepted it well. The timing of the break in therapy was less than ideal as I was in the middle of processing a memory and it was a difficult place to be left in. I acknowledged this but accepted the situation and was quite positive that I would be able to cope during the break. I almost wanted to prove to myself and probably my psychologist a little bit as well that I did have the skills to keep myself stable in her absence. Originally my psychologist was supposed to be off for a month but when the end of that month was approaching, my psychologist contacted me and explained that she had to extend her leave to another month.
I didn't react so well.
The month felt manageable but I was beginning to struggle, when faced with another month on top of the one I already had, it just felt overwhelming. First of all, I was annoyed, not really with my psychologist but with the situation. I am currently on a 6 weeks holiday from work and I wanted to use that time to focus on my therapy, the break therefore did not fit in with my own plans for my recovery. More than anything, I felt devastated and abandoned. I began to worry about whether my psychologist would ever return. The extension of the break in therapy seemed to trigger my abandonment issues which are linked to my borderline personality disorder, I knew my psychologist hadn't really abandoned me, I just couldn't shift the feeling that she had. However, as soon as I told myself that it was okay that I was upset, felt disappointed, alone and abandoned, I started to move on from those feelings and accept the situation. There's a saying that you shouldn't worry about the things you can't change. I couldn't do anything about the fact that I wouldn't be seeing my psychologist for another month and so I decided that I would just have to come to accept the situation in whatever way I could and focus on the other positive things that are going on in my life.
Make your therapist's holiday your holiday too
This is one way you could approach the situation. At the end of the day, therapy is really hard and intensive work. Your therapist will need a break from time to time but so do you. What better system than coordinating your breaks so they happen at the same time. Having a holiday from therapy does not mean going downhill, it just means taking a break from the intense work of working through your problems, giving yourself a chance to just be, focus on other aspects of your life or reflect on how things are going generally.
Your recovery does not have to stop just because you are not receiving therapy
This was a thought that my psychologist left me with and it is a really important one. The reality is, all the time we are working on our recovery, we are in recovery and we don't have to be in therapy to do that. Maybe the break will give you a chance to practice some of the skills you've learnt in therapy. You could set yourself some challenges and goals. You could report back to your therapist how they went on their return. There are also so many self help books and online resources out there. Perhaps you could use the time to find out more about the problems you are suffering with and the therapy you have been undertaking.
What would your therapist say?
What I have missed the most during this gap in therapy is having someone to talk to every week and off load a bit. My psychologist always seemed to know the right things to say and would offer suggestions when I was out of them. When I've faced some difficult issues, I've found myself thinking, "I wish I could ask my psychologist about this..." I do have other people in my life who I can talk to but some of the issues I face are quite complex or are not really appropriate to discuss with others. Even though your therapist is not there, it can still help to think about what they might say to you if you were to talk to them about the issue that's been playing on your mind.
Reflect on how your therapy has been going
Are you happy with how your therapy is going? How have you felt about this break and what does it suggest about how you feel about your therapy in general? If you feel completely indifferent about your break in therapy perhaps that is a sign that it is not working out in the way that you would like. Do you feel you are holding back in therapy? Do you feel as though you have a connection with your therapist? Have you become too attached or dependent on your therapist? Whatever the case is for you, you can use the time to reflect on how your therapy has been going up until this point and even think about making some changes when you resume your sessions again.
It is also a good opportunity to reflect on how far you've come since the beginning of your therapy journey. I always write notes on what happened during each therapy session and I have found it really interesting to look back through my journal and see how my journey has shaped out so far. You will probably find that you have achieved or covered far more than you think you have.
Hold onto your achievements and consider how you can build on them further.
Journal
Basically just journal about anything and everything you want to or feel the need to.
Journal whenever you feel you want to, don't feel pressured, it's there for you and no one else. Perhaps you could write about how you feel about your therapist going on leave. Sometimes just writing your feelings down can help you to process them and think more clearly.
You could even write a letter to your therapist explaining how you feel or just about how things are going for you generally. You could give them the letter on their return or you could just keep the letter in your journal. The act of letter writing can be therapeutic in itself without actually sending it.
It could be good to keep a log so that you could update your therapist when they come back.
Don't think that your journal has to be a stereotypical written journal. Use it in a way that is helpful to you and express yourself in whatever way you feel best.
You could even get creative!
Keep busy!
Don't run around like a headless chicken but make sure you have things scheduled in so that you have some structure and events to look forward to. It is often when we are at a bit of a loose end that we start to lament and ruminate over things. Staying active and even just knowing that you have days out and meet ups with friends coming up can take your mind of the fact that you haven't had a therapy session in a while. It can also help you to realise that you have lots going on in your life outside of therapy. I always make sure I have something exciting and enjoyable scheduled in on the day that I would usually have therapy as that is the time when I miss it the most.
Reach out to other people in your support network
You may not have your therapist around but there are always other people you can turn to.
It may not be the same but they care, they can listen and they may suggest things that can help you.
You don't have to pour your heart out to them or anything if you don't want to. Just give a sense of how you are feeling and the things that have been upsetting you. One thing that I think social media is great for is that wherever you are, you can always send a little message to someone and in minutes you can have a reply.
Surround yourself with positivity
I find this a really helpful thing to do when things start to feel tough. It can be a case of surrounding yourself with positive people and letting some of their positivity rub off on you. When I'm feeling a bit down, I like to go on tumblr, search the word positivity and scroll through what comes up.
I always find that if I scroll down enough, I'll come across a message that relates to my situation and picks me up.
Staying positive is always seems like a bit of an ideal.
There are always going to be times when we struggle.
During those tough times though, sometimes just reaching out for a bit of positivity can give us the boost we need to realise that we have the resources inside of us to get through.
However difficult your therapist going on leave may feel, just hanging on to that bit of belief that you can cope and get through this time can make all the difference.
Love and Strength,
The One Day Seeker
It's holiday season - that joyous time that sees so many of us jetting off to exotic places or simply chilling and enjoying the sunshine. For those of us who are in therapy of some description, it can be a time that fills us with dread, due to the simple reality that therapists go on holiday too. And so they should! It's an unbelievably tough job and everyone needs to take time out from time to time.
Coping during the absence of your therapist/counsellor/psychologist can feel like quite an arduous task to face though. I know that you can't pin your recovery on a single person, ultimately it has to come from you. However, sometimes you need support in facing your problems and when the stability of your weekly appointments suddenly disappears, even if you know it's only temporary, it can be difficult to know how to cope when that support is not there.
This is a situation that I am facing at the moment.
As I have mentioned before in one of my previous blog posts. I have been undergoing EMDR trauma therapy with a psychologist at my local CMHT. I am planning to write another post explaining in more detail what EMDR is but basically, I am receiving this therapy to help me process memories of some past traumatic experiences so that they do not affect my life in the present in such a negative way. It has been a really tough process so far but I have been absolutely amazed with the results of the memories I have processed. I was in the middle of processing what I see as the worst of my traumatic memories when my psychologist unexpectedly announced that she was going to have to take some leave. It wasn't her fault in any way, she really needed to take the leave but I have now been 8 weeks without therapy and I'm not going to lie, it has been difficult and I have struggled. However, I have learnt a few things along the way and I'd like to share them with you in case you are facing or are to face in the future your therapist going on leave.
First of all, allow yourself to feel what ever emotions come up surrounding this break in your therapy.
This was actually something my psychologist encouraged me to do. Don't force yourself to feel a certain way, initially just feel whatever emotions come up and tell yourself that it is okay to feel that way. When I found out my psychologist was going on leave, I was a little disappointed but on the whole accepted it well. The timing of the break in therapy was less than ideal as I was in the middle of processing a memory and it was a difficult place to be left in. I acknowledged this but accepted the situation and was quite positive that I would be able to cope during the break. I almost wanted to prove to myself and probably my psychologist a little bit as well that I did have the skills to keep myself stable in her absence. Originally my psychologist was supposed to be off for a month but when the end of that month was approaching, my psychologist contacted me and explained that she had to extend her leave to another month.
I didn't react so well.
The month felt manageable but I was beginning to struggle, when faced with another month on top of the one I already had, it just felt overwhelming. First of all, I was annoyed, not really with my psychologist but with the situation. I am currently on a 6 weeks holiday from work and I wanted to use that time to focus on my therapy, the break therefore did not fit in with my own plans for my recovery. More than anything, I felt devastated and abandoned. I began to worry about whether my psychologist would ever return. The extension of the break in therapy seemed to trigger my abandonment issues which are linked to my borderline personality disorder, I knew my psychologist hadn't really abandoned me, I just couldn't shift the feeling that she had. However, as soon as I told myself that it was okay that I was upset, felt disappointed, alone and abandoned, I started to move on from those feelings and accept the situation. There's a saying that you shouldn't worry about the things you can't change. I couldn't do anything about the fact that I wouldn't be seeing my psychologist for another month and so I decided that I would just have to come to accept the situation in whatever way I could and focus on the other positive things that are going on in my life.
Make your therapist's holiday your holiday too
This is one way you could approach the situation. At the end of the day, therapy is really hard and intensive work. Your therapist will need a break from time to time but so do you. What better system than coordinating your breaks so they happen at the same time. Having a holiday from therapy does not mean going downhill, it just means taking a break from the intense work of working through your problems, giving yourself a chance to just be, focus on other aspects of your life or reflect on how things are going generally.
Your recovery does not have to stop just because you are not receiving therapy
This was a thought that my psychologist left me with and it is a really important one. The reality is, all the time we are working on our recovery, we are in recovery and we don't have to be in therapy to do that. Maybe the break will give you a chance to practice some of the skills you've learnt in therapy. You could set yourself some challenges and goals. You could report back to your therapist how they went on their return. There are also so many self help books and online resources out there. Perhaps you could use the time to find out more about the problems you are suffering with and the therapy you have been undertaking.
What would your therapist say?
What I have missed the most during this gap in therapy is having someone to talk to every week and off load a bit. My psychologist always seemed to know the right things to say and would offer suggestions when I was out of them. When I've faced some difficult issues, I've found myself thinking, "I wish I could ask my psychologist about this..." I do have other people in my life who I can talk to but some of the issues I face are quite complex or are not really appropriate to discuss with others. Even though your therapist is not there, it can still help to think about what they might say to you if you were to talk to them about the issue that's been playing on your mind.
Reflect on how your therapy has been going
Are you happy with how your therapy is going? How have you felt about this break and what does it suggest about how you feel about your therapy in general? If you feel completely indifferent about your break in therapy perhaps that is a sign that it is not working out in the way that you would like. Do you feel you are holding back in therapy? Do you feel as though you have a connection with your therapist? Have you become too attached or dependent on your therapist? Whatever the case is for you, you can use the time to reflect on how your therapy has been going up until this point and even think about making some changes when you resume your sessions again.
It is also a good opportunity to reflect on how far you've come since the beginning of your therapy journey. I always write notes on what happened during each therapy session and I have found it really interesting to look back through my journal and see how my journey has shaped out so far. You will probably find that you have achieved or covered far more than you think you have.
Hold onto your achievements and consider how you can build on them further.
Journal
Basically just journal about anything and everything you want to or feel the need to.
Journal whenever you feel you want to, don't feel pressured, it's there for you and no one else. Perhaps you could write about how you feel about your therapist going on leave. Sometimes just writing your feelings down can help you to process them and think more clearly.
You could even write a letter to your therapist explaining how you feel or just about how things are going for you generally. You could give them the letter on their return or you could just keep the letter in your journal. The act of letter writing can be therapeutic in itself without actually sending it.
It could be good to keep a log so that you could update your therapist when they come back.
Don't think that your journal has to be a stereotypical written journal. Use it in a way that is helpful to you and express yourself in whatever way you feel best.
You could even get creative!
Keep busy!
Don't run around like a headless chicken but make sure you have things scheduled in so that you have some structure and events to look forward to. It is often when we are at a bit of a loose end that we start to lament and ruminate over things. Staying active and even just knowing that you have days out and meet ups with friends coming up can take your mind of the fact that you haven't had a therapy session in a while. It can also help you to realise that you have lots going on in your life outside of therapy. I always make sure I have something exciting and enjoyable scheduled in on the day that I would usually have therapy as that is the time when I miss it the most.
Reach out to other people in your support network
You may not have your therapist around but there are always other people you can turn to.
It may not be the same but they care, they can listen and they may suggest things that can help you.
You don't have to pour your heart out to them or anything if you don't want to. Just give a sense of how you are feeling and the things that have been upsetting you. One thing that I think social media is great for is that wherever you are, you can always send a little message to someone and in minutes you can have a reply.
Surround yourself with positivity
I find this a really helpful thing to do when things start to feel tough. It can be a case of surrounding yourself with positive people and letting some of their positivity rub off on you. When I'm feeling a bit down, I like to go on tumblr, search the word positivity and scroll through what comes up.
I always find that if I scroll down enough, I'll come across a message that relates to my situation and picks me up.
Staying positive is always seems like a bit of an ideal.
There are always going to be times when we struggle.
During those tough times though, sometimes just reaching out for a bit of positivity can give us the boost we need to realise that we have the resources inside of us to get through.
However difficult your therapist going on leave may feel, just hanging on to that bit of belief that you can cope and get through this time can make all the difference.
Love and Strength,
The One Day Seeker
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