Coping with a Sudden Unexpected Physical Health Scare: My Sepsis Story

Life has a habit of throwing a lot of unexpected things at us.

I have found this to be very much the case of late.

I think I mentioned in my last post that I had been unwell, and said something along the lines of 

‘it’s just a virus - nothing to worry about!’

It turns out I had a lot more to worry about than I thought!

I actually ended up with sepsis!

It has been a very scary time, but I seem to have made quite a remarkable recovery, and I now realise just how lucky I have been!

I want to share with you ‘My Sepsis Story’ in the hope of raising awareness about the illness, and also offering some advice to others who may be facing a similar unexpected health problem through sharing some of the things I have learnt from my experience.

What is sepsis?

Sepsis, otherwise known as septicaemia or blood poisoning, is a blood infection.

It is very serious as with an infection in your blood, it will quickly spread to all your organs, causing multiple organ failure and death if not treated quickly.

Before my recent brush with death, my only experience with sepsis was not a good one...

My stepdad had it following some surgery in hospital and was in a critical condition.

Thankfully, he survived, but it involved a stay in intensive care with a 1-1 nurse, so I had seen how serious sepsis can be!

I only really heard of people going septic following surgery, or from a bad wound that got infected.  When in fact sepsis can be triggered by an infection in any part of the body, most commonly a bacterial infection.

I have read that sepsis is a very rare complication of an infection, but it kills around 40,000 people a year in the UK!

(I’m so glad I read that after I had been treated rather than before!)

My Sepsis Story

I started feeling a bit unwell at the beginning of the Easter Holidays.

It started off with a sore throat and a very croaky voice for about a week.

I thought this was just very typical of me - I work in a school where there are germs flying around everywhere, I stay well all the way through the term, and as soon as the holidays come and I should be out enjoying myself - illness strikes!  That’s all I really saw it as - an annoyance!  

It was unpleasant but not awful, I still managed to get out and about and carry on with my plans as best I could.

Then about a week later, the sore throat developed into a very noisy, dry, hacking cough.  This cough just stuck around for weeks and weeks, all my muscles ached from coughing so much.  About a week after the start of the cough came a cold.  Again, it stuck around for weeks with no improvement and I must have got through thousands of tissues - I had never had a cold like it!

I had a GP appointment booked in to get my next prescription of antidepressants, so I decided to mention that I was a bit concerned that I had been experiencing cold symptoms for over three weeks with no improvement.

My GP, who had a voice that was as croaky as mine, as I expected, appeared very unconcerned.  

She didn’t check or look at anything, said that she’s had a lot of people coming in with viruses that have lasted up to 6 weeks, and that this is what I get for working in a school!

This was the reaction I expected, though it did concern me a bit that she didn’t carry out any observations at all.  I heard rumours going around from other people that there was a very long lasting virus going around and I accepted that was what it was - just a virus.

Then, a week or so later I still had all the cold symptoms, but my ears started really hurting and I was very congested.  I have suffered with my ears a lot in the past, and thought I might have an ear infection, so I rang the doctors again.  They struggled to get an appointment for me, but managed to get me one in the acute assessment unit with a nurse - it's basically a unit within the doctors surgery where they deal with minor 'one off' health complaints rather than ongoing problems - you are only allowed to go in and discuss one problem.  The nurse looked in my ears and said that they were not infected but the ear drum was bulging out as there was probably so much mucus and fluid behind the ear drum as I was so congested due to my 'cold'.  She recommended some decongestants and a nasal spray - I was willing to give anything a go...

I struggled on, tried not to let it get me down or hold me back, I kept on dragging myself into work as I didn't feel justified in phoning in sick for what was effectively a 'cold'.

However, I just seemed to get worse and worse.  The decongestants and nasal spray didn't seem to be having any effect at all, if anything I was becoming more congested.  Then I started getting really bad headaches, where I found myself shut away inside with all the curtains pulled and sunglasses on as it felt like the light was burning my eyes.  They seemed to be migraines, which I found odd as I don't tend to suffer from headaches like that.  I was struggling to sleep as I was so congested and my nose was constantly pouring (lovely!).

I was desperate for a bit of relief, just so I could manage to get through work as exam season was upon us.  My stepdad suggested that I try day and night nurse, as it had worked for him when he had cold/flu symptoms and it would help me sleep.  At that point, that's all I thought I needed - something a bit stronger to relieve me of my symptoms and give me a good night's sleep.

I took the night nurse on the Sunday evening - I only took half a dose as I had heard from others that it is really strong and I wanted to be sure that I would wake up for work in the morning.  It seemed to get me off to sleep but only for a couple of hours - I woke up boiling hot and breathless, struggling to get back to sleep.  I thought to myself that it was probably just because I hadn't taken the full dose - it had only kept me asleep half the night.

I struggled into work on the Monday morning and found that I kept on getting quite breathless - 

I put it down to congestion, but despite the fact that I was taking the day nurse which contains a decongestant, I was getting through tissue after tissue.  I also noticed that at times when I was sat still, feeling perfectly calm, my heart was really racing.  I tried not to think on it too much.  The most I thought at that point was that perhaps I wasn't reacting so well to the day and night nurse.  I decided that I would take the full dose of night nurse that evening and then I would be able to properly conclude whether it was working or not.

Strangely after taking the full dose of night nurse, I didn't find myself getting drowsy or sleepy at all, but I felt I had to lie down as I was becoming dizzy and unsteady on my feet.  My heart was doing the racing thing a lot.  I felt boiling hot and experienced the worst nausea ever - I felt as though if I moved even slightly I would be sick - I wasn't actually sick, but I rarely am.  I was also experiencing pains quite high up in my stomach.  That night was probably the most difficult of my memories of the whole affair - I felt very confused!  As someone who suffers from a dissociative disorder, I am quite familiar with confusion, but this was confusion like I'd never experienced before! :(

 I remember feeling painful twitchy, contracting feelings in my arms and legs at times.  I don't recall falling asleep at all that night.  I felt quite paralysed by what was going on.

I roused in the morning feeling extremely weak and nauseous.

In my mind, I thought what I had experienced was a bad reaction to the night nurse medication - 

I thought maybe it had reacted with the antidepressant I take, although sertraline was not listed as one of the medications you can't take alongside night nurse.  I knew I probably should go to the doctors but having already been twice in the two weeks prior, and more or less turned away, I was reluctant to ring up and didn't know if what I had warranted a doctors visit.

So I decided to ring the NHS 111 number and ask their advice on whether I should arrange a doctor's appointment - I explained how I had been experiencing cold symptoms for about 6 weeks now without any improvement and my theory about having a bad reaction to the day and night nurse tablets.  The man asked me a series of questions, I remember struggling to concentrate a bit and had to ask him to repeat what he said quite a few times.  Based on my answers he said that really I should arrange an urgent doctors appointment and be seen within the next two hours.  I didn't really take his concern too seriously - I guessed they just say things like that to cover their backs.  I was dreading ringing the doctors, but explained the situation and what NHS 111 had said - they booked me in for a mid-morning appointment.

Then I faced having to get to my doctors appointment...

I live with my parents but both of them were at work.  My stepdad works a couple of hours away, my mum works closer but doesn't have her phone on her when she works and wouldn't finish her shift early enough to be able to drive me to my appointment.  I knew I wasn't well enough to drive myself.  My GP surgery is actually about 25 miles from my house as I have kept the same one I had before we moved because I plan to move again in the very near future, didn't want to move all my healthcare twice, plus I don't tend to go to the doctors all that often and in usual circumstances it is a manageable distance.  I decided to make my own way there on the train - what possessed me I will never know, but I seemed in a weird kind of denial as to how ill I was feeling.  I think I was quite delirious (a symptom of sepsis)! To get to my doctors surgery is a 20 minute walk to the station, an hour's train ride having to change once, and a 10 minute walk the other side! How I did it I will never know!

I do remember struggling to walk to the station, and when I got to the other side, I felt like I wasn't going to make it to the surgery.

As usual the doctors were running late and my appointment was 20 minutes late. I felt absolutely awful when waiting in the waiting room.  I felt boiling hot, but I heard other people commenting that it was hot in there so I told myself I must just be hot like them.  However, as time dragged on I was feeling like the light from the window was burning my eyes, I felt faint, and the thought 

I'm not sure if I'm going to make it to my appointment crossed my mind.

I was relieved when I was finally called in.

I remember that when I sat down, the first thing I did was apologise for being there - I said I felt stupid coming in for what sounded like a cold, but explained this had been going on for 6 weeks and about what I thought at the time was my day and night nurse nightmare.

(It turns out that what I thought were bad side effects were actually symptoms of septic shock!)

The doctor (not my own GP) said that there was no way this was a virus as there had been no improvement in my symptoms for 6 weeks - she said the type of headaches I'd been getting and facial pain suggested that it was bacterial sinusitis.  However, the GP seemed to spot that there was something quite seriously wrong from the moment she saw me - she got out a blood pressure monitors and oximeters straightaway.  I think what I hadn't realised is that my skin had a red/purple mottled rash all over!  When she took my pulse, she gave me an odd look as though she didn't believe it, tried it again and again on the other side, with a different monitor etc.  I had a very high heart rate (140-180 bpm) and dangerously low blood pressure (90/30-40).  The doctor asked if I was feeling okay as usually most people would feel quite faint with readings like this - I explained how I had been feeling in the waiting room.  I was asked if I was feeling anxious or worried - I know when I am and I definitely wasn't - in fact I was feeling weirdly blasé about the whole thing.  I was also very breathless, making a grunting sound when I breathed, and it sounding and feeling like a real effort to breathe.  I had a high temperature, yet apparently I was very cold and clammy to touch.

My oxygen levels were on the low side at 90%.  The doctor kept on touching my skin to see if the rash would fade but I don't think it was.  I was told that with readings like these most people need to be checked out in hospital just to see if everything's alright.  The doctor didn't tell me what she was suspecting, and I'm glad she didn't - I think she didn't want to worry me.  She said that really she should send me by ambulance, but asked if there was anyone nearby who could take me to hospital if I'd prefer that.

I explained the logistics of where my family was and she said it probably wouldn't be quick enough!

It all got very hazy at that moment I was going on about how I didn't need an ambulance, other people are far more ill than me, it's only just a cold isn't it?  I think my speech was probably very slurred at that point.  It all started to go black.  The doctor asked if I was dizzy, I vaguely remember her helping me over to the bed in the room to lie down, and me telling her it was all going black.  

I heard a loud siren/alarm noise and then it all went blank.

Symptoms of Sepsis

You can be aware of them and spot them where I didn't...

Early symptoms of sepsis:

~ A high temperature or low body temperature

~ Chills and shivering

~ A fast heartbeat

~ Fast breathing

Symptoms of septic shock:

~ Blood pressure drops dangerously low

~ Feeling dizzy or faint

~ A change in mental state - confusion, disorientation, some people appear drunk!

~ Diarrhoea

~ Nausea and vomiting

~ Slurred speech

~ Severe muscle pain

~ Severe breathlessness

~ Less urine production than normal

~ Cold, clammy and pale or mottled skin

~ Loss of consciousness

(I guess I ticked more or less every single box, but at the time I wasn't thinking sepsis because I wasn't even really thinking infection)

I remember vaguely coming round in the doctors surgery to find myself with an oxygen mask on, a line in my arm that I had no recollection of going in, blood pressure monitors on me etc, plus about 6 doctors standing around me who smiled when I opened my eyes.

I was absolutely amazed at what they were able to do for me in a doctors surgery!

They gave me paracetamol intravenously to bring my temperature down quickly and some fluids - this seemed to stabilise me a little - my heart rate went down and my blood pressure started to improve.

In fact, I think they got me looking so much better that by the time the ambulance crew arrived, they didn't think it looked like there was much wrong with me!

I was whisked out the doctors surgery in a wheelchair and put on the ambulance.

The paramedics were fairly nice, but it was quite clear that they didn't think my condition was as serious as the GP thought it was.  They asked me whether I knew what the GP thought was wrong with me - I relayed that all I knew was that she was concerned that my heart was going very fast and my blood pressure was very low.  They explained that the GP suspected that I was suffering from sepsis and for that reason I was going to be blue lighted to hospital :o

I was still a bit hazy and confused - I asked what sepsis was - is that an infection of the blood?

They confirmed it was and that image came to me of my stepdad fighting for his life in intensive care - But sepsis is really serious?  This can't be serious like that - I don't feel THAT bad...

One of the crew assured me that it didn't seem too serious to him.  He said he felt the GP had overreacted, but because of what she suspected, they had to blue light me to hospital as standard procedure.  He said I was probably just dehydrated and that if he had been sent out to me in the community, he would have sent me home!  How glad I am now that he wasn't sent to my aid!

As soon as I arrived in hospital, a nurse took a lot of blood from me to test and cultures as well.  Believe it or not, I have quite a bad phobia of blood, even the thought of blood!

Under ordinary circumstances, having blood taken and knowing that something was suspected to be in my blood would have felt quite an ordeal!  However, I was still pretty woozy and weak at that stage, so they really could have done anything to me.  In fact, feeling very unwell helped the whole procedure - I was too unwell to get anxious about it, or complain!

The doctor came to see me, looked up my nose, and said it certainly looked like a bacterial sinus infection - my nose was still constantly running at this point.  I was told that I would be given IV antibiotics and more fluids straightaway as it would take some time to get the blood test results.  Because of what was suspected, they had to act quickly, and I definitely had an infection of some description so it wouldn't do me any harm.

So I was attached to a drip of antibiotics and fluids - the only discomfort this caused was that I wasn't used to so much fluids flowing through my body, so I kept on needing to go to the toilet.  Fortunately they unplugged me from my drip so that I could take myself to the toilet as I was well enough, but embarrassingly I had to ask for quite a number of urgent trips!  Providing a urine sample was no problem at all!

The doctor also came back to 'examine' me.

This did worry me as I struggle with being touched due to past trauma, especially by men.

I do remember hearing distressed voices in my head as the doctor came in, but I did my best to reassure them that people were just trying to make us better.  My system tends to be quite absent when I'm physically unwell.  Plus, as I've said, being physically weak and unwell did help with this sort of thing.  In the end, all the examination involved was the doctor pressing down on the locations of my various organs to check if I had any pain anywhere.  I didn't have any pain really at all, but the doctor did press and push quite hard, especially when he felt for my kidneys - I felt quite brusied there for a few days, but I suppose it was necessary, and it was reassuring that none of my organs seemed to be damaged.  I had to have a chest x-ray, which is why I had to have a hospital gown put on.  It was quite awkward to take clothes on and off with the line in my arm, but I was glad that the nurses did allow me to dress and undress myself in private with the curtains closed - those kind of things make the difference to me.

After being sat in hospital for a few hours and being filled to the brim with fluids and antibiotics, the doctor came to see me with all my results.  He said that they had found an infection in my blood so it was sepsis!

Everyone in the hospital seemed quite surprised as I had probably seemed quite chipper and fairly alert during my time there.  However, it appeared that the amazing GP I had seen earlier that day had been absolutely spot on!  The doctor said that they had identified the bacteria that had caused the infection in my blood and it wasn't a particularly nasty one.  He was confident that it had been caught in its early stages and that they had already got it under control with all the IV antibiotics I had been given.  They think I got sepsis from a bacterial sinus infection - because it was left untreated for so long, the infection got into my blood stream from there.  Had my GP bothered to just look up my nose when I went to my initial appointment 3 weeks earlier, she would have realised that I had a bacterial sinus infection, hopefully given me antibiotics and all this would never have happened.  Time to change my GP I think! As all my stats had improved while I was in hospital - I was told that I was well enough to carry on fighting the infection at home with a course of oral antibiotics.

So the evening of the same day I was discharged from hospital - I was so amazed and grateful that they could do so much for me within a day!

  I was advised that I would need to take at least a few days complete rest and drink plenty of fluids 

(3 litres of water a day :o).  This was quite a big chore for me as I hugely struggle with resting, especially with the idea of resting while ill in bed - I've written about that on here before.

However, quite honestly I didn't have a choice - I wasn't up to doing anything anyway.

I was thoroughly miserable for the first couple of days - I was already fed up with the prospect of being stuck at home resting and I still felt physically very unwell - my temperature kept on spiking though I managed to bring it down again, my nose was still pouring, I was so congested I was struggling to sleep, still nauseous and dizzy, and after them pumping me with fluids in the hospital, the moment I drank anything I needed to go straight to the toilet, so drinking the advised 3 litres a day was quite an ordeal!

Once the antibiotics kicked in though, I seemed to improve physically very quickly.

My symptoms gradually cleared up.

I also seemed to get my appetite back - that did cause some difficulties as I have suffered with an eating disorder and still do to some extent.  The anorexic voice in my head was giving me hell for in her mind eating too much when I wasn’t doing enough as I wasn’t well enough to walk as much as I usually do.  I suppose these are the challenges that come from suffering with a physical health problem alongside mental health problems.  However, I did my best to remind myself and my system that we needed food to get better and stronger again, it was still a battle though.  Over those few days I started getting some of my strength back. We started measuring my wellness by my ability to get round different sizes of supermarket.  It felt like such a huge achievement when I made the 5 minute walk from my house to the beach - a walk I’d usually think nothing of.

I only faced a slight setback in my physical recovery in that once I finished my week's course of antibiotics, I started to go downhill again - the same pattern of sinus pain came back and I seemed to be getting congested again.

I was obviously pretty concerned given what had happened before, and to make matters worse, I seemed to go particularly downhill over a long bank holiday weekend - typically during the time when the doctors surgery isn't open!  Luckily, I managed to be seen urgently at my doctors surgery first thing on the Tuesday following the bank holiday - they were brilliant and seemed to recognise that this was a serious issue given having recently suffered from sepsis.  I think I now must have a red flag on my record at the doctors as when I phoned up and gave them my name, they were straightaway asking what symptoms I was experiencing and whether the problem was quite urgent/serious.  As I suspected, I had a bit of left over infection and was given another course of antibiotics.  My stats were good however, which did reassure me.  The second course of antibiotics seemed to clear the infection completely and ever since then, I would say I've made quite a remarkable full recovery as far as I can see!

It was only really in the aftermath that I began to fully appreciate just how lucky I was - I really couldn't be more grateful to that amazing GP who spotted the signs of sepsis even when others didn't and consequently saved my life.

My Reflections/Discoveries 

What I learnt from my experience of Sepsis...

If your gut instinct is that there's something wrong, keep pushing for the help you need - keep shouting until someone listens!

Initially, after my ordeal, I felt quite bitter and angry.

If some minimal level of care and concern were shown to me on my first visit to my GP, the whole situation may well have been avoided.

I also beat myself up a bit for being so reluctant to go to the GP on the day I was so unwell and about my denial that I was unwell - I felt as though I didn't take my illness seriously enough, and I guess the question of what if always seems to pop into your head in these scenarios - it scares me to think what could have happened if I hadn't gone to the GP when I did.

My therapist helped me out a lot on this front - she got across to me that I had simply done enough - enough to receive the help I needed at the right time.  What else really matters other than that?

Nonetheless, my experience has taught me that sometimes you shouldn't be afraid to follow your instincts with regards to your physical health - if your gut is telling you that there's something wrong then there's a good chance there could be.

Don't allow yourself to be turned away until you are satisfied that your concerns have been noted and investigated appropriately.

If you are not sure whether your health warrants medical investigation, I really would recommend using the NHS 111 number - that is what it is there for.

I have found them to be helpful as sometimes having a trained professional advise you on what medical help you should seek can make you feel more justified in your concerns.  They also usually pass on their record of the call to your doctors surgery or hospital, so when you follow their medical advice and make an appointment, the medical professionals will already have a log of the issue - 

that can also help your case.

Physical recovery is not the same as emotional recovery

Emotional recovery tends to take longer

This is probably my main message - don't underestimate how a sudden physical health scare can affect you emotionally.

By all accounts, my physical recovery from sepsis was quite straightforwards, remarkable even! I had a slight blip and needed a second course of antibiotics, but since then, I went from strength to strength.  It took me three weeks to make a full recovery and I had no lasting complications - I was lucky!

However, while I appeared upbeat and as though I was taking everything in my stride while I was treated in hospital, this was a bit of a facade as I think I saw it as the only way I would be able to get through it.  The truth was - I was terrified!

Once I was home and started to feel physically a bit better, emotionally it all started to hit me - 

I felt very overwhelmed - part of it was feeling overwhelmingly grateful and relieved to be alive, but at the same time, I felt overwhelmed by what I had been through...

I have since felt haunted by the memories of how unwell I felt that day - I know it may sound over dramatic, but there was a moment when I was being attended to in the doctors surgery in which I actually felt like I might die.  Losing consciousness during that time also didn't help, as I become very overwhelmed when recalling how I came round to find all those doctors standing around me, with a line in, a mask on, monitors all around me.

A part of me wanted to just 'get on with it' - be thankful that I've come out of it well, forget about it, and resume my life as normal.  I would have done anything to just 'get on with it', but the truth is that even if I tried, I can't forget.

I don't know whether the experience may have affected me emotionally this way because I already have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but in any case, being suddenly thrown into the world of a medical emergency with your life feeling as though it's hanging in the balance, without a doubt, can be traumatic.

Tell others how you are feeling - you may appear physically okay, but emotionally, it is often a different story.

Following on from what I've just said, the emotional side of things can be quite invisible compared to the physical side.  That's why it's important to tell others how you are feeling.

When you are physically so much better and appear to be carrying on as normal, you fear that others will assume you are perfectly fine and 'back to normal', when in fact that couldn't be further from the case.

When you are in that position, it is easy to fear the judgement of others...

I shouldn't be feeling like this...

I should be happy and grateful to be well again...

It happened months ago, I should be over it by now...

The truth is that there is no should or shouldn't to the way you are feeling - it is simply an expression of how the experience affected you - there is no right or wrong.

Despite my fears about opening up, when I did, I actually found that people are really sympathetic - most said that they would be very surprised if the experience hadn't affected me emotionally.

Be patient - take things slowly

This applies to both your physical and emotional recovery.

You don't want to do too much too soon for fear that it may set you back.

I found this difficult as I am quite an active person and tend to do best mentally when I'm out and about.

It is sensible though to build yourself up slowly, rather than do a load at once and then end up crashing down!

As much as I wanted to, I didn't find it as easy as I thought I would to get back to my life as it was before sepsis...

I initially felt quite anxious just being out in a public place again - being physically weaker than normal can make you feel quite vulnerable - I felt quite under threat.  This did improve with time - I think you just have to get your confidence back a bit that you are going to be alright.

I also felt quite anxious about going back to work, with people knowing that I had been unwell - I didn't want to be asked too many questions about it.  This was fairly easily remedied though - I decided that the best way to avoid having to repeat the same story and talk about my illness when I don't really want to, was by putting what happened out there as a Facebook post.  I certainly didn't feel as though I wanted attention or sympathy, but it felt easier to put it all out there in one go.

I also hoped it might raise some awareness about sepsis.

Something that puzzled me a bit was that I felt quite reluctant to meet up with people and socialise - 

I was much more anxious about social events than normal and actually felt unable to go.  I have previously worked really hard to battle my social anxiety, so it felt quite frustrating to feel as though I had really gone backwards.  As with all these things, I just had to build myself up slowly again.

Going through any sudden unexpected event is bound to takes its toll on you, so don't be too hard on yourself if you can't just pick up where you left off straightaway - you will get there in the end.

It is normal to worry a lot about your health following a physical health scare, but know that time and reassurance do heal...

I have been really anxious about my health since I've had sepsis.

A degree of this concern is probably helpful as it means that you are more likely to look after yourself, but working yourself up into an anxious state about it is unlikely to make you feel well!

I have been so anxious about getting unwell again since my illness.

Logically and rationally I know that having sepsis once does not make it more likely that I'll get it again, and I know too that I am physically in pretty good health now.  However, since the whole sepsis saga, I've worried every time I've got the slightest rash, every time my heart races a little; I've even worried when I've had a bruise that's taken a long time to fade.  I also became quite anxious about being around others who were ill - worried that I would catch it.  I had never been like that before, and it really isn't the way I want to live - I know that you can't avoid illness and any efforts to do so are pretty senseless.

I am still worrying a lot but I'm pleased to say that I am worrying less than I was!

Time can be a bit of a healer with this one - you sort of just need a bit of time to build some confidence in your health again.

It has also helped reassure me when I've returned to the doctors and all my stats have been good - sometimes hearing it objectively from a medical professional helps to reassure you that you're well.

Also, once you get back to the other aspects of your life, you find you start worrying about other things besides your health!

I realised just how much I want to live

It can help to try to find some positives in what you experienced - there will always be some...

As I've said, there was a moment when I was very unwell in which I feared that I might die, but in that moment, I also realised just how much I want to live.  For someone who has previously struggled with suicidal thoughts, this means quite a lot.  The experience has made me all the more motivated in my recovery because if I want to live, then I'd prefer to live without being in fear.

Enjoy life and appreciate what you have

Continuing on with the looking for the positives theme - sometimes when you go through quite a significant event in your life, especially something in which you risk loss, it can make you all the more appreciative of what you have in your life.  It can also make value your health a lot more. So...

Enjoy your life just as it is.

Make the most of what you have.

And get back to doing the things that you enjoy and give your life meaning :)

Do whatever is needed to help you to move on or bring a sense of closure

Wanting to move on is not the same as wanting to shut something out and pretend it never happened.  It simply means that you don't want to stay stuck in the event - you still want to acknowledge and appreciate what you've been through and how it has affected you, but you also want to get on with your life.

I believe that this transition tends to occur naturally, but sometimes there are things you can do that may help it along...

For me, I felt that it would help me to return to my doctors surgery and see the same (lovely) GP who I saw when I had sepsis.  I thought that simply being back in the same place, in the same room, with the same person, but this time feeling healthy, would help bring a sense of closure for me.

As usual, it wasn't quite as straightforwards as that...

I found the experience of being back there very emotionally overwhelming - it brought back a lot of memories of when I had been so unwell.  I wasn't expecting to find it so difficult.  It made me realise just how much the experience of having sepsis affected me emotionally.

I still think it did help me and I know I will get there - the GP was really understanding and we have made a plan that I will come back and see her regularly for a while in the hope that it will help me to feel more comfortable with going to the doctors again.

Sometimes it just takes a bit longer to move on, and that's okay.  There's no rush...

I hope this blog post has been informative or helpful in some way.

As someone who has already experienced multiple traumas throughout my life, when I had sepsis, one of my greatest fears was that it would feel like yet another trauma on top of what I have to deal with already.

The way I understand it is that time will tell...

It is important to be mindful that these unexpected physical health scares, which seem to pop up out of nowhere, can be traumatic.  It is normal to experience some post traumatic stress symptoms in the couple of weeks or even months following a trauma, be it medical, or otherwise.  It is important to remember that these are normal responses to what you've been through, and these symptoms should settle over time.  It is when these symptoms continue to persist longer than this initial period that a diagnosis of PTSD is usually considered.  Again, this isn't a sign of weakness, and it doesn't mean that things aren't going to feel okay again - it might just take a bit more time and you might need some help along the way.

So that is what I mean when I say time will tell in my case - I hope that my anxieties will settle down completely some time soon, but if I continue to experience PTSD symptoms then I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

What I am confident of is that things can and will get better.

Whatever issues you may face in life - keep taking, keep telling people how you're feeling, keep being you.

Love and Strength,

The One Day Seeker.