Tips on Surviving a Family Holiday while suffering from Mental Health Problems

  

Okay so last week I went on a family holiday to the Isle of Wight.  It was a camping holiday and only for 5 days but as ever, I was faced with the task of managing my mental health problems while away from my usual routine and surroundings.  This got me thinking about some of the things I try to do on holidays in order to cope and I thought it may be helpful to share them.  As much as holidays are supposed to be a break, I know that they can easily creep into the territory of being stressful for a lot of people, so the points I raise may be helpful to anyone whether you are suffering from a mental illness or not.

There is no such thing as a perfect holiday!

Well, I think sometimes your holiday can come pretty close to perfect which is excellent but in my experience nothing runs completely smoothly - your car breaks down, you have bad weather, you end up having an argument with someone, you've forgotten to pack that one important thing you were nagging yourself to remember and so on.  Once you rid yourself of the idea that you are going to have the most perfect holiday and nothing is going to go wrong, I find that all the minor setbacks you might encounter become less of a big deal.

Your mental health problems will not disappear just because you've gone on holiday

It would be wonderful if they did but the reality is that they don't.  As stark as it may sound, when on holidays, you are just facing the same problems but in a different place.  Your mental health problems will still be there but there are ways in which you can manage and cope with them so that you can still have an enjoyable time.  I actually can't think of a holiday I've gone on in which I haven't been suffering from mental health problems but when I look back I can see that I have still had a lot of positive and memorable experiences while on holidays.

You don't have to be happy the whole time you are on holiday

I think there is this common expectation that everyone should be happy when they're on holidays but it is just not realistic to expect to be happy all the time.  Sometimes it helps just to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up regardless of whether you are on holidays or not.  It's okay to get down, anxious and upset when you are on holidays but try to focus on and appreciate the happier moments as well.

I have to say that on my holiday, I'd never felt so happy in a long time as when I made some sandcastles on the beach.  Yes, I'm 23 and I made a sandcastle and I don't care because it made me feel brilliant!

It can help to improve your mental health by having some time away

You can't expect your problems not to follow you when you go on holidays but sometimes having time to think about them while away from the stresses and strains of your everyday life can really help.

We all need a good break at one point or another.  It's probably something we don't do enough.

Accept that you may not be able to cope as well as you would like

Well, here's a confession, I definitely struggled on my holiday far more than I expected I would.  As I went on holidays with my family and some family friends, a lot of the time I was having to follow other people's plans and routines for the day.  In a way, it started to feel as though a lot of things happening around me were out of my control and when I start to feel like that I usually become more absorbed in my eating disorder, which I did unfortunately.  Not a very logical decision as all it meant was that my eating disorder got out of control but old habits die hard.  That being said, I recognised the problem and while I struggled to deal with it when I was out there, I've got on top of it since I've got back.

My reason for sharing this is that I want to give a sense that it is understandable if you do not cope as well as you expected to while on holidays.  I personally really struggle with change and take comfort in routine so when removed from my usual surroundings I can become a bit unsettled.  I think this is probably true of a lot of people to some extent.  If you are suffering from mental health problems, you are faced with the added complication of trying to cope with your condition outside of your usual context and perhaps away from some of the things that help you to cope.

Be honest with the people around you so they know how to support you

You should never feel as though you have to put on a bit of a mask or an act for someone else.  It is important to be honest with the people you are on holidays with about how you are feeling.  You might not want to worry them or feel as though you would spoil their holiday if you told them but what would really worry them is if they could see that you were bottling a lot of emotions up but they had no idea how to help you.  You don't always have to bear all or go into a lot of detail.  Sometimes it's more effective to communicate with people what you need from them or what would help you.

Pick your holiday companions wisely!

I suppose this kind of links back to the last one but sometimes the people you go on holidays with can make or break a holiday.  If you struggle to get on with someone at home, then you can't suddenly expect to get along with them when you're on holidays.  Going on holidays with someone can sometimes mean that you are spending a lot more time with them than you usually would which can make things difficult even if you generally get on with them well.  Sometimes it is just about acknowledging that it can be difficult to live in each other's pockets when you wouldn't normally do so, compromising on plans and having a bit of space away from each other now and again.

In my case, as I've said, I went away with my family and some family friends.  We always go on holidays with them, we are all quite easy going with regard to our plans and activities and we seem to have a system that just works, which is good!

Even so, I struggle with a lot of social anxiety linked to my difficulties with interpersonal relationships.  This can mean that I can find the pressure of being around other people too much at times.  During the holiday, I had to take some time alone now and again and that really seemed to help.

  

Surround yourself with positive people and things that you enjoy

This also links back to the last one but it is really important to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and encourage you, rather than put you down all the time.  Also, it is your holidays as well as everyone else's, so make sure that you fit in some of the things that you really enjoy.

Make happy memories with positive people :)

Take some time out for yourself

As I've already mentioned, this one is a bit of a life saver for me.  Whether you are at home or on holidays, having some time just for yourself is both healthy and important.  I always like to bring a book with me when I go on holidays so that I look forward to escaping to it in the evening.  I also laid down in my tent and listened to the pretty dated Isle of Wight radio from time to time (it's amazing what strange things you find yourself doing on holidays!).

It's always lovely to come home from a holiday and feel refreshed.

That feeling can often come from knowing that you've taken some time out to relax.

Use your holiday as a distraction

You may not be able to escape from your mental health problems by going on holidays but there's nothing wrong with a bit of healthy distraction.  Sometimes it can be good to immerse yourself in busy, enjoyable activities so that you can forget some of the difficulties you have been facing, just for a little while.  

It may even offer some clarity.

There were certainly times on my holidays in which I forgot about some of the issues I've been facing recently or at least they drifted to the back of my mind.  The family friends we went on holidays had children and I always find children such a joyful distraction.  It's lovely to see children enjoying their holidays and I often find that if you try to make other people have a really enjoyable holiday, you end up enjoying yourself as well.

Capture your happy moments by taking lots of photos that you can look back on

As you can see, I went photo mad on my holiday, always snapping away on my little mobile phone.  It can be easy to focus on the difficult times or the times when you struggled.  I find that taking photos helps with this, especially if you capture moments in which you were really enjoying yourself or feeling positive.  It can be great to look back on the photos and remind yourself that there were happy times during your holiday.

Take some time to reflect

Whenever I go away, I find this is something I tend to do naturally.  When you get away from everything it can give you some space to think about how your life is going at home.  If you are suffering from mental health problems, it may also give you a chance to reflect on how that side of your life is going.

You might even think of things that you want to change or do differently when you return.

Have a clear plan for when you get home

There's nothing I hate more than post-holiday blues!  

I also see coming home from holidays as representing yet more change, which I hate.  It involves leaving the routine I've got into on holidays and attempting to get back into being at home mode, which is made more difficult when you have the delightful task of unpacking and it feels as though everything is out of place.

If you've done some really exciting things on holiday, it can also making being back at home feel comparatively boring.

In order to combat the post-holiday blues, I always try to come up with a plan for at least the first couple of days when I return from holidays so that I am occupied straight away and it doesn't feel as though the excitement stops as soon as I get home.

After experiencing withdrawal symptoms over my week away, the day after I got home, I went straight out shopping in Brighton!

If you are soon to be jetting off on holidays, I hope that some of the tips I've shared will help you and that you have a really lovely, enjoyable and relaxing time.

As it's now the summer holidays for me from work, I am hoping to be able to post more regularly so watch this space!

Love and Strength,

The One Day Seeker