Coping with Physical Illness while also Suffering from Mental Health Problems

Once again, I've been absent for a while.  This has been mainly due to suffering from a stomach bug, followed by a bad middle ear infection, then followed by labyrinthitis, which currently persists!  

For those of you who haven't heard of it, labyrinthitis is basically an inner ear infection that affects your balance system - makes you feel nauseous, affects your vision, gives you vertigo, can affect walking and even standing up, high temperatures etc.  It generally lasts a few weeks; there is no quick fix, only medication to ease some of the symptoms, such as dizziness.  I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is a minor illness and I would hate for it to sound as though I am pathetically moaning on about this temporary card I've been dealt when, as I am well aware, there are many out there who are suffering from far more serious physical health issues.  Nonetheless, this irritating bout of illness, however temporary, has significantly affected my life at current.  I think the thing I have found most difficult with labyrinthitis is that it has affected the one thing that I always turn to when I want to feel better in some way - walking.  If you read this blog a lot, then you probably will have guessed from all the scenic photographs I regularly post, that I absolutely love walking.

 Imagine my frustration when it took me over an hour to make what would usually be a 5 minute walk from my house to the beach.  Yet on a more positive note, I have almost been forced to discover the benefits of taking things a bit slower!  

I suppose my point in sharing on this subject is that suffering from mental health problems can present additional challenges when facing even common physical illnesses.  Something as simple as visiting your GP or taking a paracetemol can feel like a great mountain to climb.  There are many ways in which mental illness can affect your attitude towards physical self care.  My difficulties in this area are mainly trauma related and so that will be the main focus in this blog post.  However, I think and I hope that some of the points I raise will be relevant to anyone as, after all, we only have one life and one body so it is in our interest to take jolly good care of it where we can.

My difficulties with coping with physical illness:

Fears surrounding going to the doctor:

Some of my reluctance around going to the doctors is probably for quite common reasons that most people seem to fall back on.  Not wanting to bother the doctor over something minor or putting it off because you're busy, not wanting to go through the hassle of booking an appointment etc.  

There is also that worry that your concerns will not be taken seriously, often reinforced by previous negative or unhelpful experiences of going to the doctors.

Yet some of my other issues with going to the doctors are more deep-rooted.

There was a time when I did not go into a doctors surgery or seek any form of medical attention for 8 years because the last time I went to the doctors was when I was 13 and was referred to CAMHS for an eating disorder.  This represented a very difficult period in my life.  If you read the blog post I wrote on my CAMHS experience, then you will know that I found the treatment I received very tough and even traumatic.  Going to the doctors reminded me of that time and also made me fearful that I would be submitted to that kind of treatment again.

I also have fears surrounding going to the doctor in the sense that it will involve being 'looked at' or sometimes 'touched'.  As a result of the abuse I went through as a child, physical contact can be a huge trigger.  I also was once taken to the doctors as a young child following an incident of sexual abuse so just the act of going to the doctors can trigger memories of the trauma.  

I have managed to overcome this to some extent by reminding myself that the doctor is there purely to help me with the physical problem I present with and nothing else; it is a totally different situation to past ones in which I was touched in an inappropriate and hurtful way.  Nonetheless, there are still some parts of my body that are a complete no-go for showing anyone, including doctors. 

 I'm hoping this will change with time and when I am further along in my journey of processing my traumatic memories.

Fears surrounding taking medication:

This used to be a far bigger problem for me than it is now.  I used to fear taking medication of any kind as I felt as though it was handing over control of my body and a main part of my eating disorder was about control.

I also was trapped in a negative cycle of thoughts in which I felt that I deserved pain.  I was almost conditioned to feel that a lot of the things that happened to me in the past were my fault and that I therefore had to suffer anything else that came my way.

I am pleased to say that a lot of this has changed.  No one deserves to suffer and you should make the most of anything that is there to make you feel better.

Issues with taking time off work:

Again, I am aware that this is something that probably concerns lots of people.  No one wants to feel as though they are letting others down or to be thought of as someone who pulls a 'sickie' at the drop of a hat!  The truth is that anyone who is remotely conscientious and committed to their job is worrying about this just as much as you and most of us are much better at telling others that they should be at home when they are ill than we are at telling ourselves.

On top of these usual concerns, when I'm ill, I feel in a much more vulnerable state as being ill sort of formed the context to a situation in which I was abused.  I therefore feel particularly under threat when I admit to being ill to others.

I find it very difficult to speak on the phone at the best of times but this anxiety becomes a lot worse when I am in a vulnerable state.  Something as regular as phoning in sick at work can therefore feel like quite an ordeal.

Fear of having to stay in all day resting:

I don't suppose anyone much likes being stuck inside for days feeling terrible and it can only feel great for so long until cabin fever starts setting in!  I for one can never spend a whole day inside, even if I'm feeling unwell and not really physically up to leaving the house.

Once again, unfortunately, being unwell and resting in bed formed the context of one of my incidents of childhood sexual abuse, so needless to say, having to lie down and rest when I'm feeling unwell is something I find really difficult. 

At the same time though, if I was to contemplate going out somewhere, however briefly, having taken the day of work, then I would be racked with guilt, as I think a lot of people would be.  If I am able to leave the house then I'm well enough to be at work and also worrying about if people see me out when they know that I should be at work etc.

I also seemed to have developed some very unrealistic and harsh rules for myself regarding physical illness.  For example, I developed this rule for myself that as long as I could stand up then I had to go to work.  This wasn't a rule that I made up myself but one that was enforced upon me as a child regarding going to school and that I later struggled to break free from. 

I have since recognised that this 'rule' was utterly ridiculous and as someone pointed out to me - what would happen if I couldn't stand up?

I hope someone out there can relate to the issues I have outlined, or at least some of them.

I am not going to say that illness is good or fun, it absolutely sucks!  As ever though I am determined to try to find the positives in a bad situation and in this instance, being ill provided me with an opportunity to challenge and overcome my difficulties surrounding physical illness, take better care of myself, or learn how to.

I am going to share some of these things that I learnt in the hope that it may help anyone who is also suffering from physical illness alongside the added complication of suffering from mental illness as well! 

How To Cope with Physical Illness:

If the system you've been using isn't working then it's time to try something different.

This was my main personal success during this bout of illness...

With help, I came to the realisation that struggling on while feeling worse and worse obviously wasn't working so perhaps it was time to try and break a habit of a life time and actually try to do something about it.

So after nearly two weeks of feeling horrendous, I made a plan to phone in sick at work the next day for the first time ever, get an appointment at the doctors and rest up as well as I could.  

I set my mind to it and did it.

To so many people, the plan I just outlined might seem like a really regular thing to do that doesn't require much thought, but for me, it was a huge deal!  It represented me taking charge and not allowing my past to dictate how I live and look after myself in the present.

My reason for sharing this is to emphasize that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to, even something that feels impossible can be made possible.  

So if the system you are following to cope with your physical illness isn't working then set your mind to trying something different.  

The way I looked at it was if I didn't like it or it didn't turn out how I wanted it to, it was only one day out of my life and I could try something else.  

I suppose sometimes you have to think - what have I got to lose?

If you look after yourself physically then you will feel better mentally.

This amazing book, Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation, which I mentioned in a previous blog post really helped me here...

'You might talk inwardly to remind all parts of you that when you (all of you) take care of yourself, you feel better physically, which helps you to feel better emotionally.  All parts may benefit.'

This message really helped me in reassuring dissociative parts of me who have various anxieties surrounding aspects of physical self-care.

Focus on the present situation, not past ones, pain is not something you deserve or need to hide.

It can help to note the differences between the present situation in which you find yourself unwell and the past situations it may relate to - trigger discrimination.

In any case, self-care doesn't really have anything to do with being deserving or not.  

It is simply a matter of attending to the signals your body is giving you - try to look at it as a necessary part of everyday life that everyone indiscriminately has to attend to - don't overthink it!

You could almost take comfort in the fact that many physical illnesses, at least minor ones, are comparatively straightforwards to recovery from compared to mental illness.  Quite often, your body just repairs itself, or you just have to take a few pills and you notice an improvement.  

It is also something that can physically be seen a lot of the time - having someone like a doctor look and see a problem can be really validating.  Then, (hopefully) they suggest a solution to the problem - result!

Medical professionals are there to help you and nothing else.

Essentially that is their job!

Nonetheless, it is important that you have a doctor who you trust and feel comfortable talking to.

So if you don't like who you are seeing then you have every right to try someone else - 

it may do both of you a favour!

If for whatever reason, you have anxieties around visiting the doctors, I think it is always best to out with it.  If you tell them that you are nervous from the outset then it prepares them and means that they can bear this in mind when treating you.  They must see a lot of other patients who are anxious about visiting them - it is something they expect and (if they are any good) they will have developed ways to help put you at ease.

If it would help, you could always bring a supportive friend or family member into the doctors with you.  Again, this is something that most doctors will be used to seeing.

When I get anxious, I can find it difficult to speak.  So, just in case, I make a note of why I am seeing the doctor either on a bit of paper or as a memo on my phone beforehand.  You may find this useful too, particularly if you are going to the doctors with multiple problems.

Trust your judgements - you know yourself and your body.

People have different ways of helping themselves feel better so do what helps you and don't feel guilty.

Going back to the fear of leaving your house having taken time off work due to illness -

Would it be worth missing out on something that could really help you feel better just out of fear of what someone out there may think?  Chances are, they wouldn't even give it a second thought!

I'm not saying you should take yourself out for a full scale shopping trip!  If you're up to doing that then you definitely should be at work!

However, if like me, you benefit from getting some fresh air and being outside, then surely a short walk around the block or sitting in your local park for a bit would be justified?

For me, still getting outside is really crucial to managing physical illness as it breaks up the time in which I am in the house feeling unwell and resting (which I find difficult) and it also makes me feel less trapped - a feeling that I associate with trauma.

Also, I find that a bit of sunshine can do you the world of good, even if it's just a case of sitting in the garden.

Getting out is a really important part of managing my mental health problems and I'm sure it is for others too.  Sometimes when you are stuck inside and not able to do much, it sort of makes you feel vulnerable to falling into the demotivated cycles associated with depression.  Also, with anxiety, if you have fears surrounding leaving the house at the best of times, then being stuck inside ill could set you back and cause that anxiety to build.  

When you are suffering from a physical illness alongside mental illness, you have to weigh up what would be best for you as a whole.  In recovery of any kind, it is important that you learn to trust yourself and respond to what your mind and body are telling you they need. 

You know yourself best and if you know that taking a bit of time outside would help you then why should you let anything get in the way of that?

Make the most of what you can do.

Do restful things that you may not have done otherwise.

I have found it really frustrating that I haven't been able to do all the things I usually do as a result of being ill.  I am quite an active person anyway and am feeling motivated and fairly positive aside from feeling physically under par so it is frustrating when I can think of plenty of things I would like to be doing but I am not well enough to do them.  Labyrinthitis, at times, has forced me to rest and do little, which again, I find difficult.  However, I think, as with a lot of things, you have to come to some level of acceptance with your situation - it will pass but this is how things are now and it's about thinking how could I make it better at the moment?

The prospect of resting felt a lot less triggering when I listed various things I could still do while resting - watching films, reading books, catching up on youtube and blogs, sitting in the garden, lighting candles etc.

There's no doubt that being ill is unpleasant and irritating but it can give you the opportunity to do some enjoyable, more restful activities that you may not have done otherwise.

I've certainly read a lot more books than I would usually!

If you are currently struck down with some unsavoury kind of physical illness then I really hope you start to feel better very soon as it really is not pleasant!

At the same time, in view of trying to seek out the positives even in an unfortunate situation, perhaps illness can be an opportunity to take the time to look after ourselves better, as well as challenge and overcome any obstacles that may stand in the way of that.

Love and Strength,

The One Day Seeker.